Tentacles (available on Hulu)
Okay, so I saw this movie on an online list of recommended movies to see during the month of February. I haven’t seen a good horror-thriller lately, and I don’t think I explore Hulu enough, so I decided let’s give it a whirl.
So, first thought, this genre of movie released on Valentine’s Weekend, we know the recipe already. Attractive couple, some sex, a lot of bloody bodies and some psychological plot games. Well, they supersized this recipe with the sex ingredient, it’s no wonder our lead, Sam tells his doctor he’s been really tired lately. Sam meets our female lead, Tara at a real estate open house and the dialog is something like “Hi I’m Tara” “Um, I’m Sam” “Okay, now we know each other, let’s have crazy sex on a sofa at an open house” NOTE: this is why we have never offered an open house when we were selling any of our homes.
At one point, we are witness to what the director must of thought was some kind of artsy sexual montage, but hello it wasn’t artsy, just a lot of sex in a lot of different positions, filmed in this time lapse camera mode.
When they aren’t having sex, there is a plot that doesn’t start bad, but really starts to lose it halfway through.
There are so many silly and unoriginal parts of this movie, Sam has a female friend who has known him for a decade, and thinks there is something fishy with Tara, but no he thinks she is just jealous. Sam is bleeding from ear, but Tara says don’t worry it’s just stress. When you Google bleeding ear, I don’t think stress is in the top ten diagnosis on WebMD. CLUE…bleeding ear and tentacles…..I really should of just changed the channel right there.
And hello continuity must have been on a long lunch break, when Sam breaks down a bathroom door in one screen, but thirty seconds later, the door is there, and he opens and exits thru the same door.
Of course, when Sam finally starts to look into Tara’s past it’s too late. The whole computer generated ending (CLUE…this is titled Tentacles) was just too disappointing.
Tentacles, rated D plus, it’s still better than my record holder of worst movie ever seen Skyscraper rated D, but not by much.
As you can see I really didn’t want to expend a lot of energy in this review, but here’s my twist, skip this and watch Oscar winner “The Shape of Water”. Yes, you get a lot less sex, but both movies have a main character water component, and you actually get fabulous acting, directing and storyline.
Drink option….if you don’t take my word for it, and actually choose to watch this, just pour Everclear into the biggest glass you own and keep the bottle close.
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